Let us trust God
to work everything for good
even that which was intended for evil.
Romans 8 v 28.
the threat
Don't tell anyone
Don't talk about it
Shame
Guilt
see below
until then forgiveness is convoluted
how can I forgive someone if I am carrying their guilt?
how could I forgive myself for another's crime ?
When I return the guilt
then I can forgive the abuser who carried their guilt.
Embarrasment
Fear of what others will think
We've dealt with it
no need to talk about it.
I can't face it.
It takes courage to face
that there are:
hurt people
vicarious trauma
betrayed people
who need to talk to work it through.
the other barrier
for the barier yet to surface
and the barrier you face that I was not aware of
Guilt
during sexual abuse, particularly child sexual abuse
it is not uncommon for the abuser to lay his or her or their guilt on the victim.
If I one of us was walking down the street and noticed the person walking ahead of us droped say a $29 note
would we pick it up and keep it?
no. it is not ours.
we would call out or run up to the person who dropped their $20 mote and return it to them
"you dropped your $20 note. here it is"
likewise survivors ought to give back the guilt to it's rightful owner - the abuser.
comulative and recurring resurfacing of the story of the sexual abuse
In 1871 a certain member of the clergy was accused of molesting his teenage nurse.
The case went to court
after his exercise of legal abuse
he was not convicted.
His assistant wanted to talk about it. He was silenced.
bearing the weight of an intolerable situation
in a Colony with few options
he numed his pain with alcohol
the accused used this to defame him as being depressed and an alcoholic.
yet the assistant continued his duties.
it is a complex historical series of cumulative events.
huge amounts of energy are consumed attempting to maintain the silence
but justice cries out in the streets.
It's very obvious the elephant is still in the room 150 years later.
conceiling crime doesn't pay
neither does conceiling allegeed crime
the wave of vicarious trauma has only increased over time
as has the cumulative impacts - too complex to write here as it would destract from the main point.
for those who have the courage to face the events of history
the relief of talking about it
exceeds the drain of the energy used to keep the silence.